Author
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Topic: New Corporate Policy
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FeistyGirl Honorary Warlord
   
Posts: 729 From: a padded cell somewhere Registered: Feb 2001 |
posted 21 March 2002 09:15
Corporate Policy:SICK DAYS: We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. SURGERY: Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment. BEREAVEMENT LEAVE: This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases, where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is enough to keep the job going in your absence. YOUR OWN DEATH: This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice as it is your duty to train your replacement. REST ROOM USE: Entirely too much time is being spent in the rest room. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance, those whose names begin with 'A' will go from 8:00 to 8:10, employees whose names begin with 'B' will go from 8:10 to 8:20 and so on. If you're unable to go at your time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your time comes again. In extreme emergencies employees may swap their time with a coworker. Both employees' supervisors must approve this exchange in writing. In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm bell will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, and the stall door will open. PAYCHECK GUIDE: The following helpful guide has been prepared to help our employees better understand their paychecks: Item ....Amount: Gross pay... $1,222.02 MINUS Income tax ...$244.40 Outgo tax ...$45.21 State tax ...$11.61 Interstate tax ...$61.10 County tax ...$6.11 City tax... $12.22 Rural tax... $4.44 Back tax ...$1.11 Front tax ...$1.16 Side tax ...$1.61 Up tax ....$2.22 Tic-Tacs... $1.98 Thumbtacks ...$3.93 Carpet tacks ...$0.98 Stadium tax ....$0.69 Flat tax.... $8.32 Surtax ...$3.46 Corporate tax... $2.60 Parking fee ...$5.00 F.I.C.A.... $81.88 T.G.I.F. Fund ...$9.95 Life insurance... $5.85 Health insurance... $16.23 Dental insurance ...$4.50 Mental insurance... $4.33 Reassurance ...$0.11 Disability... $2.50 Ability ...$0.25 Liability... $3.41 Unreliability ...$10.99 Coffee ...$6.85 Coffee Cups... $66.51 Floor rental... $16.85 Chair rental ...$0.32 Desk rental ....$4.32 Union dues ...$5.85 Union don'ts... $3.77 Cash advance... $0.69 Cash retreats... $121.35 Overtime ...$1.26 Undertime ...$54.83 Eastern time ...$9.00 Central time ...$8.00 Mountain time... $7.00 Pacific time ...$6.00 time Out ...$12.21 Oxygen... $10.02 Water ....$16.54 Heat ....$51.42 Cool air ...$26.83 Hot air ....$20.00 Miscellaneous ...$113.29 Sundry.... $12.09 Various ....$8.01 Net Take Home Pay $0.02 Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. All questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternations, or input should be directed elsewhere. Have a nice week.

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Axalon Honorary Warlord
   
Posts: 2243 From: New England, USA Registered: Dec 2001 |
posted 21 March 2002 12:11
Hmmm .. Nice company, good benefits! When can I start working there!!  Dear Directed Elsewhere: YOU'RE FIRED!!!  *Thank god I work for myself  ------------------ As above .. so below gathered by the wind then rooted in the ground only to rise from below then above .. we grow

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MPHG Forum Admin.
    
Posts: 1693 From: simwhere Registered: Jun 2001 |
posted 21 March 2002 12:36
Axalon what do you do and do you need a assistant?I know how to use dreamweaver, VB4~6 some c++ (willing to learn more), learning php, know html, some cgi, asm (intelivision type) and have huge amounts of knowlegde of Monty Python, Cheers, and That 80's Show 
------------------ Come stay a night at my Dragon's Inn Remember to have your Deeds recorded on the Imperial Scrolls of Honor.

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Axalon Honorary Warlord
   
Posts: 2243 From: New England, USA Registered: Dec 2001 |
posted 21 March 2002 13:32
I'm a Martial Arts Instructor my friend I have one school and soon will be opening two more .. you wouldn't happen to have a certain knowledge of the arts?? I would gladly bring on board  ------------------ As above .. so below gathered by the wind then rooted in the ground only to rise from below then above .. we grow

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Beaver Honorary Warlord
   
Posts: 1682 From: I live in a dam, down by the river.... Registered: Jan 2002 |
posted 21 March 2002 13:45
I can draw stick figures.... Oh wait, you were referring to matial arts... nevermind.....So axalon... you should open a school down here..... It is shocking how many people are into the arts down here. ------------------ How long does it take beavers to make a dam? Well that depends on the beaver and how dam big the dam is.... Unless you get one that doesn't give a dam then it takes a really long time....

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Axalon Honorary Warlord
   
Posts: 2243 From: New England, USA Registered: Dec 2001 |
posted 21 March 2002 13:52
Bokuto Drills: The art of sword fighting??? Sooo MPHG??? You've been holding out on me?? I could use someone who has a little experience in sword fighting Hmmm???  It just may happen someday Beaver Right now I have my hands full with 1 + the 2 to open soon ------------------ As above .. so below gathered by the wind then rooted in the ground only to rise from below then above .. we grow

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Mephansteras Moderator
   
Posts: 970 From: San Diego, CA USA Registered: Feb 2001 |
posted 21 March 2002 15:14
Cool! More people into sword fighting! I've been doing a freestyle version of Kendo here for years!  ------------------ -Mephansteras Don't take life to seriously -- you'll never get out of it alive! Download my mod: Tides Of War

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Axalon Honorary Warlord
   
Posts: 2243 From: New England, USA Registered: Dec 2001 |
posted 21 March 2002 16:21
Very cool!! .. We have MPHG doing "Bokuto Drills" .. Mephansteras studied "Kendo" for years .. and I've studied "Shim Gum Do Zen Sword" and "The Samurai Way" for quite some time ... I wonder who else dabbles or has studied the way of the sword??? Probably more than a few .. I guess the Keep is more than just virtually deadly!!  Have you ever yelled at your characters (especially the barb) .. when they screw up in their sword work?? LOL!! ------------------ As above .. so below gathered by the wind then rooted in the ground only to rise from below then above .. we grow [This message has been edited by Axalon (edited 21 March 2002).]

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Carina Flær Honorary Warlord
   
Posts: 561 From: Akihabara, Japan Registered: Feb 2002 |
posted 21 March 2002 17:34
Found it kinda surprising, myself. I'd have thought people abroad were more into the sports like Judo etc instead of swordplay. My husband learnt the Okinawa Seidokan Motobo-Ryu style, while I've got some Tanamura-Ha Shinobi Jutsu training. Still in training, though.------------------ " In Defeat, Malice; In Victory, Revenge! "

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MPHG Forum Admin.
    
Posts: 1693 From: simwhere Registered: Jun 2001 |
posted 21 March 2002 17:48
I'm only starting my art form, it's in my backyard reading form books about the drills.Holding out on you maybe, but I love swords maybe i should post pics of my room  I have... a claymore 3 cerimonial swords 1 WW 2 Japanese sword 1 War Pike 1 Haliberd 1 fencing sword 1 Long Bow 2 Daggers 1 katana 1 wooden sword (ferget the proper names of the japanese weapons and i feel stupid) 1 short katana 1 long katana without sword guard 1 Leather whip 1 Shield 1 Helm (sugarloft helm i belive it's called) 1 Hand Ax (english) and I might be making a chain mail with steel plated copper wire  ------------------ Come stay a night at my Dragon's Inn Remember to have your Deeds recorded on the Imperial Scrolls of Honor.

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Axalon Honorary Warlord
   
Posts: 2243 From: New England, USA Registered: Dec 2001 |
posted 21 March 2002 17:50
Hmmm .. Swords are very cool worldwide Carina Now you make four of us here who skilled with the sword! And Tanamura-Ha Shinobi Jutsu is a very beautiful (and deadly) style  ------------------ As above .. so below gathered by the wind then rooted in the ground only to rise from below then above .. we grow

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Axalon Honorary Warlord
   
Posts: 2243 From: New England, USA Registered: Dec 2001 |
posted 21 March 2002 18:35
Hmmm .. That's quite an impressive collection you have there MPHG It reminds me of my room when I was 19! LOL!! Hmmm .. since then, I've almost lost count of all the swords and related weapons I've collected over the years .. most I can hang on the walls of my school, and some by certain "traditions" you just don't show to anyone or rarely if you do, it's by a "specific request" .. which is known as "The Etiquette of the Sword"  But I have plenty of Samurai Swords, Broad Swords, Bastard Swords, Claymores, Sabers, and .. oh, a lot of other Swords I can display  You should definetly make that armor, it would be a nice addition to your collection ------------------ As above .. so below gathered by the wind then rooted in the ground only to rise from below then above .. we grow

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Axalon Honorary Warlord
   
Posts: 2243 From: New England, USA Registered: Dec 2001 |
posted 21 March 2002 22:53
Hmmm .. So Jess, look whats become fo your "corporate policy" topic I made one reply to it .. then it turned into "sword craft" frenzy .. Well, if would make you feel any better .. I LOVE SWORDS!!! Rotflmao!! hehehe .. Cool Jess!! How you just "magickly" do these things!! LOL!! Too funny!! ------------------ As above .. so below gathered by the wind then rooted in the ground only to rise from below then above .. we grow

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BMW Lord
 
Posts: 148 From: Singapore Registered: Feb 2001 |
posted 21 March 2002 23:10
You have a lot of swords? Have any of them been stained with the blood of a king? Eh-hehehehehe... That's what I call a REAL antique.

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Chineseman Honorary Warlord
   
Posts: 357 From: The Philippines Registered: Mar 2002 |
posted 21 March 2002 23:46
Nice policy, Feisty. Are there any more vacancies?Not for me, for asht! Hehehehe. 
------------------ I just love cats... Yeah, maybe Carina too...

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Carina Flær Honorary Warlord
   
Posts: 561 From: Akihabara, Japan Registered: Feb 2002 |
posted 21 March 2002 23:58
Hey BMW, that reminds me of a song... "stained with the blood of a king"... hmmm... lemme see...(thinks real hard) Oh yeah! It's a Man O War song, right?? I don't remember the title, but I remember it's the last song (track 4) on side B of the cassette. Hehe.  ------------------ " In Defeat, Malice; In Victory, Revenge! "

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Axalon Honorary Warlord
   
Posts: 2243 From: New England, USA Registered: Dec 2001 |
posted 22 March 2002 00:15
My Swords are stained with the blood of Fallen Angels!!!  WAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!  ------------------ As above .. so below gathered by the wind then rooted in the ground only to rise from below then above .. we grow

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Chineseman Honorary Warlord
   
Posts: 357 From: The Philippines Registered: Mar 2002 |
posted 22 March 2002 03:41
quote: Originally posted by Axalon: My Swords are stained with the blood of Fallen Angels!!!  WAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! 
Oh, no! Please tell me you're not gonna get this topic closed too...
------------------ I just love cats... Yeah, maybe Carina too...

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Jolly_Reaper Honorary Warlord
   
Posts: 384 From: The Netherlands Registered: Feb 2002 |
posted 22 March 2002 03:57
Well FeistyGirl, I'll bet your employees commit suicide all the time!  Are there any openings for the IT department? Where can I send my resume to? I like challenges  ------------------ Sig? Hmm, can't think of one right now...

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MPHG Forum Admin.
    
Posts: 1693 From: simwhere Registered: Jun 2001 |
posted 22 March 2002 05:19
the WW2 sword is stained abit, litte rusted as well , looks like it has seen alot of battles. I might scan the blade it self for you people  and maybe ask carina to translate what it says  ------------------ Come stay a night at my Dragon's Inn Remember to have your Deeds recorded on the Imperial Scrolls of Honor.

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Carina Flær Honorary Warlord
   
Posts: 561 From: Akihabara, Japan Registered: Feb 2002 |
posted 22 March 2002 05:44
Nah, a WW2 blade would most likely merely bear the place of manufacture, is all. They mass produced those, you know. They're not like the antique blades.------------------ " In Defeat, Malice; In Victory, Revenge! "

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MPHG Forum Admin.
    
Posts: 1693 From: simwhere Registered: Jun 2001 |
posted 22 March 2002 06:07
was quite hard to scan ,but anyway. See I think it's WW2 the previous owner said it was from WW2 or earlier, so I hope later the sword looks finely crafted. Nice Dragon design imbued within the sword, both sides are id with minor differences looks hand done. All I know it's a small tresure to my collection  ------------------ Come stay a night at my Dragon's Inn Remember to have your Deeds recorded on the Imperial Scrolls of Honor. [This message has been edited by MPHG (edited 22 March 2002).]

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Carina Flær Honorary Warlord
   
Posts: 561 From: Akihabara, Japan Registered: Feb 2002 |
posted 22 March 2002 06:22
Hmmm? {looks puzzled)This doesn't look like one of those cheap mass-produced blades. Are you sure it's a WW2 weapon? Unless it's one of those officers' blades... frankly, a historian would know better. ------------------ " In Defeat, Malice; In Victory, Revenge! "

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Axalon Honorary Warlord
   
Posts: 2243 From: New England, USA Registered: Dec 2001 |
posted 22 March 2002 06:46
quote: Originally posted by MPHG: was quite hard to scan ,but anyway. See I think it's WW2 the previous owner said it was from WW2 or earlier, so I hope later the sword looks finely crafted. Nice Dragon design imbued within the sword, both sides are id with minor differences looks hand done. All I know it's a small tresure to my collection
I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU!!!!  I am laughing too hard right now to comment on THAT SWORD at the moment!!!  Don't you think you could of scanned it in A LITTLE BIGGER!!!! I can hardly see it!!!
------------------ As above .. so below gathered by the wind then rooted in the ground only to rise from below then above .. we grow

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Carina Flær Honorary Warlord
   
Posts: 561 From: Akihabara, Japan Registered: Feb 2002 |
posted 22 March 2002 07:03
Not hardly? Axalon, either you are in serious need of glasses, or laser surgery  j/k Perhaps he thought if he reduced the size the pattern wouldn't stand out as clearly. ------------------ " In Defeat, Malice; In Victory, Revenge! "

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