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Author Topic:   Bread Is Evil
Little_Marc
Honorary Warlord

Posts: 317
From: The sticks of a Sub-Development Next to a Cornfield
Registered: Oct 2001

posted 04 February 2002 14:09     Click Here to See the Profile for Little_Marc   Click Here to Email Little_Marc        Reply w/Quote   Visit Little_Marc's Homepage!
Something I thought up. (I need a hobby!)

1) More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread eaters
2) Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests
3) In the 18th Century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women dies in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever and influenza ravaged whole nations
4) More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread
5) Bread is made from a substance known as "Dough" It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average American eats more bread than that in one month!
6) Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low occurrence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's Disease and osteoporosis.
7) Bread has been proved to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after only two days.
8) (My personal favorite) Bread is often a 'gateway' food item, leading the user to 'harder' items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts.
9) Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is 90% water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, leaving you a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.
10) Newborn babies can choke on bread quite easily.
11) Bread is baked at a temperature of 400 plus degrees Fahrenheit. That kind of heat can kill a human in less than one minute.
12) Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling. In light of these frightening statistics, I propose the following bread restrictions:
1) No Sale of bread to minors.
2) No advertising of bread within 1000 feet of a school
3) A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread.
4) No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage.
5) A $4.2 zillion fine on the three biggest bread manufacturers.

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Always settle for next-to perfect. It's the best you can get.

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jbouley
Forum Admin.

Posts: 4907
From: Portland, Maine, USA
Registered: Jan 2001

posted 04 February 2002 22:19     Click Here to See the Profile for jbouley   Click Here to Email jbouley        Reply w/Quote   Visit jbouley's Homepage!
Oh,no...what will this mean for my consumption of beer (aka "liquid bread").

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- JEFF
"A hero is no braver than anyone else. He is only brave five minutes longer."
For my latest mod (for LoD/expansion), download Version 1.1 of Sanctuary in Chaos

- Or for old stuff (for classic D2), visit my orignal mod site at www.planetdiablo.com/sanctuary

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Little_Marc
Honorary Warlord

Posts: 317
From: The sticks of a Sub-Development Next to a Cornfield
Registered: Oct 2001

posted 05 February 2002 04:26     Click Here to See the Profile for Little_Marc   Click Here to Email Little_Marc        Reply w/Quote   Visit Little_Marc's Homepage!
Wow.... new thought..... I don't have THAT much free time to think up that one, but I'll try.

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Always settle for next-to perfect. It's the best you can get.

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MPHG
Forum Admin.

Posts: 1693
From: simwhere
Registered: Jun 2001

posted 05 February 2002 07:31     Click Here to See the Profile for MPHG   Click Here to Email MPHG        Reply w/Quote   Visit MPHG's Homepage!
I saw that on a webpage once about 1 years ago...

Bread isn't all Evil
you just need to give it the butter of justice

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General Nutt
Lord

Posts: 123
From: Great White North
Registered: Jan 2002

posted 05 February 2002 20:39     Click Here to See the Profile for General Nutt   Click Here to Email General Nutt        Reply w/Quote   
Jeff your Beer is safe, you have it in the wrong food group. One beer has enough protien for the entire day (not sure about american beer). therefore I'd say it's Steak in a bottle, and have for years.

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Speak Softly and carry a big sword (or two)

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Squirrel_Farmer
Squire

Posts: 29
From:
Registered: Feb 2002

posted 25 February 2002 13:36     Click Here to See the Profile for Squirrel_Farmer   Click Here to Email Squirrel_Farmer        Reply w/Quote   
Also 50% of bread eaters are above the median weight. (What the median is will be my next pahse of research)

If you don't get it, i just say it's an itilectual joke. (lol, spelled that one wrong)

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..and the Lord created the squirrels, and with them their farmer, and it was good. (john 5:24)

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Little_Marc
Honorary Warlord

Posts: 317
From: The sticks of a Sub-Development Next to a Cornfield
Registered: Oct 2001

posted 25 February 2002 15:39     Click Here to See the Profile for Little_Marc   Click Here to Email Little_Marc        Reply w/Quote   Visit Little_Marc's Homepage!
quote:
Originally posted by Squirrel_Farmer:
Also 50% of bread eaters are above the median weight. (What the median is will be my next pahse of research)

If you don't get it, i just say it's an itilectual joke. (lol, spelled that one wrong)


ROTFL! Nice name too. and signature!

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My wife says I don't pay enough attention to her. At least I think that's what she said.

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Sir_General
Moderator

Posts: 697
From:
Registered: Aug 2001

posted 26 February 2002 01:39     Click Here to See the Profile for Sir_General   Click Here to Email Sir_General        Reply w/Quote   Visit Sir_General's Homepage!
Thanks for this post, I was just about to make a sandwhich. I could have killed myself.

While we're here, is it true that squirrels store nuts in their mouth? If so, when you're farming, can you tell the difference between a squirrel with nuts and a squirrel without?

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Sir_General

That's Sir_General with an _. Leave it out and I'll beat you with a rubber chicken.

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Squirrel_Farmer
Squire

Posts: 29
From:
Registered: Feb 2002

posted 26 February 2002 09:01     Click Here to See the Profile for Squirrel_Farmer   Click Here to Email Squirrel_Farmer        Reply w/Quote   
That's a nice question. That is such a nicely nice question that i would babble too much and be smacked by Sir Generals (hah! no _!) rubber chicken in the process :P

In star trek, why do they call him scotty if noone in their universe knows what the hell scotland is?!

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..and the Lord created the squirrels, and with them their farmer, and it was good. (john 5:24)

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Baldrick
Moderator

Posts: 1334
From: The ShadowHaven
Registered: Oct 2001

posted 26 February 2002 12:38     Click Here to See the Profile for Baldrick   Click Here to Email Baldrick        Reply w/Quote   
You left out the '_'!!!!!!!!! Sir_General beat you for babling to much and leaving it out! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH I hate rubber chickens!!!

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Keeper of the ShadowHaven and QFG mod assistant developer. Visit the ShadowHaven(formely Zhoulom Crypt) forum for more imformation and feedback for ShadowHaven D2x mod and Mods by Rana Loreus for imformation and feedback on the QFG mod.

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Sir_General
Moderator

Posts: 697
From:
Registered: Aug 2001

posted 26 February 2002 18:32     Click Here to See the Profile for Sir_General   Click Here to Email Sir_General        Reply w/Quote   Visit Sir_General's Homepage!
That's it, it's go time...

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Sir_General

That's Sir_General with an _. Leave it out and I'll beat you with a rubber chicken.

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Squirrel_Farmer
Squire

Posts: 29
From:
Registered: Feb 2002

posted 27 February 2002 06:28     Click Here to See the Profile for Squirrel_Farmer   Click Here to Email Squirrel_Farmer        Reply w/Quote   
*smack* OW! No fair! that's a frozen rubber chicken

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..and the Lord created the squirrels, and with them their farmer, and it was good. (john 5:24)

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Axalon
Honorary Warlord

Posts: 2243
From: New England, USA
Registered: Dec 2001

posted 27 February 2002 20:57     Click Here to See the Profile for Axalon   Click Here to Email Axalon        Reply w/Quote   
Ooops! Sorry, wrong topic .. I was looking for Girls = Evil .. How did I get into the Bread = Evil?? *Perhaps there is a connection between the two!!

If there is, PLEASE don't tell me I'm confused enough as it is.

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"Be quick or be dead .. or take up knitting."

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