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Author Topic:   New Corporate Policy
FeistyGirl
Honorary Warlord

Posts: 729
From: a padded cell somewhere
Registered: Feb 2001

posted 21 March 2002 09:15     Click Here to See the Profile for FeistyGirl   Click Here to Email FeistyGirl        Reply w/Quote   
Corporate Policy:

SICK DAYS:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

SURGERY:
Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

BEREAVEMENT LEAVE:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases, where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is enough to keep the job going in your absence.

YOUR OWN DEATH:
This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice as it is your duty to train your replacement.

REST ROOM USE:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the rest room. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance, those whose names begin with 'A' will go from 8:00 to 8:10, employees whose names begin with 'B' will go from 8:10 to 8:20 and so on. If you're unable to go at your time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your time comes again. In extreme emergencies employees may swap their time with a coworker. Both employees' supervisors must approve this exchange in writing. In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm bell will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, and the stall door will open.

PAYCHECK GUIDE:
The following helpful guide has been prepared to help our employees better understand their paychecks:

Item ....Amount:

Gross pay... $1,222.02

MINUS
Income tax ...$244.40
Outgo tax ...$45.21
State tax ...$11.61
Interstate tax ...$61.10
County tax ...$6.11
City tax... $12.22
Rural tax... $4.44
Back tax ...$1.11
Front tax ...$1.16
Side tax ...$1.61
Up tax ....$2.22
Tic-Tacs... $1.98
Thumbtacks ...$3.93
Carpet tacks ...$0.98
Stadium tax ....$0.69
Flat tax.... $8.32
Surtax ...$3.46
Corporate tax... $2.60
Parking fee ...$5.00
F.I.C.A.... $81.88
T.G.I.F. Fund ...$9.95
Life insurance... $5.85
Health insurance... $16.23
Dental insurance ...$4.50
Mental insurance... $4.33
Reassurance ...$0.11
Disability... $2.50
Ability ...$0.25
Liability... $3.41
Unreliability ...$10.99
Coffee ...$6.85
Coffee Cups... $66.51
Floor rental... $16.85
Chair rental ...$0.32
Desk rental ....$4.32
Union dues ...$5.85
Union don'ts... $3.77
Cash advance... $0.69
Cash retreats... $121.35
Overtime ...$1.26
Undertime ...$54.83
Eastern time ...$9.00
Central time ...$8.00
Mountain time... $7.00
Pacific time ...$6.00
time Out ...$12.21
Oxygen... $10.02
Water ....$16.54
Heat ....$51.42
Cool air ...$26.83
Hot air ....$20.00
Miscellaneous ...$113.29
Sundry.... $12.09
Various ....$8.01

Net Take Home Pay $0.02

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. All questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternations, or input should be directed elsewhere.

Have a nice week.

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Axalon
Honorary Warlord

Posts: 2243
From: New England, USA
Registered: Dec 2001

posted 21 March 2002 12:11     Click Here to See the Profile for Axalon   Click Here to Email Axalon        Reply w/Quote   
Hmmm .. Nice company, good benefits! When can I start working there!!

Dear Directed Elsewhere: YOU'RE FIRED!!!

*Thank god I work for myself

------------------
As above .. so below
gathered by the wind
then rooted in the ground
only to rise from below
then above .. we grow

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MPHG
Forum Admin.

Posts: 1693
From: simwhere
Registered: Jun 2001

posted 21 March 2002 12:36     Click Here to See the Profile for MPHG   Click Here to Email MPHG        Reply w/Quote   Visit MPHG's Homepage!
Axalon what do you do and do you need a assistant?

I know how to use dreamweaver, VB4~6
some c++ (willing to learn more), learning php, know html, some cgi, asm (intelivision type) and have huge amounts of knowlegde of
Monty Python, Cheers, and That 80's Show

------------------
Come stay a night at my Dragon's Inn

Remember to have your Deeds recorded on the Imperial Scrolls of Honor.

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Axalon
Honorary Warlord

Posts: 2243
From: New England, USA
Registered: Dec 2001

posted 21 March 2002 13:32     Click Here to See the Profile for Axalon   Click Here to Email Axalon        Reply w/Quote   
I'm a Martial Arts Instructor my friend I have one school and soon will be opening two more .. you wouldn't happen to have a certain knowledge of the arts?? I would gladly bring on board

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As above .. so below
gathered by the wind
then rooted in the ground
only to rise from below
then above .. we grow

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Beaver
Honorary Warlord

Posts: 1682
From: I live in a dam, down by the river....
Registered: Jan 2002

posted 21 March 2002 13:45     Click Here to See the Profile for Beaver   Click Here to Email Beaver        Reply w/Quote   
I can draw stick figures.... Oh wait, you were referring to matial arts... nevermind.....

So axalon... you should open a school down here..... It is shocking how many people are into the arts down here.

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How long does it take beavers to make a dam? Well that depends on the beaver and how dam big the dam is.... Unless you get one that doesn't give a dam then it takes a really long time....

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Axalon
Honorary Warlord

Posts: 2243
From: New England, USA
Registered: Dec 2001

posted 21 March 2002 13:52     Click Here to See the Profile for Axalon   Click Here to Email Axalon        Reply w/Quote   
Bokuto Drills: The art of sword fighting??? Sooo MPHG??? You've been holding out on me?? I could use someone who has a little experience in sword fighting Hmmm???

It just may happen someday Beaver Right now I have my hands full with 1 + the 2 to open soon

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As above .. so below
gathered by the wind
then rooted in the ground
only to rise from below
then above .. we grow

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Mephansteras
Moderator

Posts: 970
From: San Diego, CA USA
Registered: Feb 2001

posted 21 March 2002 15:14     Click Here to See the Profile for Mephansteras   Click Here to Email Mephansteras        Reply w/Quote   Visit Mephansteras's Homepage!
Cool! More people into sword fighting! I've been doing a freestyle version of Kendo here for years!

------------------
-Mephansteras

Don't take life to seriously -- you'll never get out of it alive!

Download my mod: Tides Of War

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Axalon
Honorary Warlord

Posts: 2243
From: New England, USA
Registered: Dec 2001

posted 21 March 2002 16:21     Click Here to See the Profile for Axalon   Click Here to Email Axalon        Reply w/Quote   
Very cool!! .. We have MPHG doing "Bokuto Drills" .. Mephansteras studied "Kendo" for years .. and I've studied "Shim Gum Do Zen Sword" and "The Samurai Way" for quite some time ... I wonder who else dabbles or has studied the way of the sword??? Probably more than a few .. I guess the Keep is more than just virtually deadly!!

Have you ever yelled at your characters (especially the barb) .. when they screw up in their sword work?? LOL!!

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As above .. so below
gathered by the wind
then rooted in the ground
only to rise from below
then above .. we grow

[This message has been edited by Axalon (edited 21 March 2002).]

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Carina Flær
Honorary Warlord

Posts: 561
From: Akihabara, Japan
Registered: Feb 2002

posted 21 March 2002 17:34     Click Here to See the Profile for Carina Flær   Click Here to Email Carina Flær        Reply w/Quote   
Found it kinda surprising, myself. I'd have thought people abroad were more into the sports like Judo etc instead of swordplay. My husband learnt the Okinawa Seidokan Motobo-Ryu style, while I've got some Tanamura-Ha Shinobi Jutsu training. Still in training, though.

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" In Defeat, Malice; In Victory, Revenge! "

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MPHG
Forum Admin.

Posts: 1693
From: simwhere
Registered: Jun 2001

posted 21 March 2002 17:48     Click Here to See the Profile for MPHG   Click Here to Email MPHG        Reply w/Quote   Visit MPHG's Homepage!
I'm only starting my art form, it's in my backyard reading form books about the drills.

Holding out on you maybe, but I love swords maybe i should post pics of my room

I have...
a claymore
3 cerimonial swords
1 WW 2 Japanese sword
1 War Pike
1 Haliberd
1 fencing sword
1 Long Bow
2 Daggers
1 katana
1 wooden sword (ferget the proper names of the japanese weapons and i feel stupid)
1 short katana
1 long katana without sword guard
1 Leather whip
1 Shield
1 Helm (sugarloft helm i belive it's called)
1 Hand Ax (english)

and I might be making a chain mail with steel plated copper wire

------------------
Come stay a night at my Dragon's Inn

Remember to have your Deeds recorded on the Imperial Scrolls of Honor.

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Axalon
Honorary Warlord

Posts: 2243
From: New England, USA
Registered: Dec 2001

posted 21 March 2002 17:50     Click Here to See the Profile for Axalon   Click Here to Email Axalon        Reply w/Quote   
Hmmm .. Swords are very cool worldwide Carina Now you make four of us here who skilled with the sword! And Tanamura-Ha Shinobi Jutsu is a very beautiful (and deadly) style

------------------
As above .. so below
gathered by the wind
then rooted in the ground
only to rise from below
then above .. we grow

IP Logged

Axalon
Honorary Warlord

Posts: 2243
From: New England, USA
Registered: Dec 2001

posted 21 March 2002 18:35     Click Here to See the Profile for Axalon   Click Here to Email Axalon        Reply w/Quote   
Hmmm .. That's quite an impressive collection you have there MPHG It reminds me of my room when I was 19! LOL!! Hmmm .. since then, I've almost lost count of all the swords and related weapons I've collected over the years .. most I can hang on the walls of my school, and some by certain "traditions" you just don't show to anyone or rarely if you do, it's by a "specific request" .. which is known as "The Etiquette of the Sword"

But I have plenty of Samurai Swords, Broad Swords, Bastard Swords, Claymores, Sabers, and .. oh, a lot of other Swords I can display

You should definetly make that armor, it would be a nice addition to your collection

------------------
As above .. so below
gathered by the wind
then rooted in the ground
only to rise from below
then above .. we grow

IP Logged

Axalon
Honorary Warlord

Posts: 2243
From: New England, USA
Registered: Dec 2001

posted 21 March 2002 22:53     Click Here to See the Profile for Axalon   Click Here to Email Axalon        Reply w/Quote   
Hmmm .. So Jess, look whats become fo your "corporate policy" topic I made one reply to it .. then it turned into "sword craft" frenzy .. Well, if would make you feel any better .. I LOVE SWORDS!!! Rotflmao!! hehehe .. Cool Jess!! How you just "magickly" do these things!! LOL!! Too funny!!

------------------
As above .. so below
gathered by the wind
then rooted in the ground
only to rise from below
then above .. we grow

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BMW
Lord

Posts: 148
From: Singapore
Registered: Feb 2001

posted 21 March 2002 23:10     Click Here to See the Profile for BMW   Click Here to Email BMW        Reply w/Quote   Visit BMW's Homepage!
You have a lot of swords? Have any of them been stained with the blood of a king? Eh-hehehehehe... That's what I call a REAL antique.

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Chineseman
Honorary Warlord

Posts: 357
From: The Philippines
Registered: Mar 2002

posted 21 March 2002 23:46     Click Here to See the Profile for Chineseman   Click Here to Email Chineseman        Reply w/Quote   
Nice policy, Feisty. Are there any more vacancies?

Not for me, for asht! Hehehehe.

------------------
I just love cats...
Yeah, maybe Carina too...

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Carina Flær
Honorary Warlord

Posts: 561
From: Akihabara, Japan
Registered: Feb 2002

posted 21 March 2002 23:58     Click Here to See the Profile for Carina Flær   Click Here to Email Carina Flær        Reply w/Quote   
Hey BMW, that reminds me of a song... "stained with the blood of a king"... hmmm... lemme see...

(thinks real hard)

Oh yeah! It's a Man O War song, right?? I don't remember the title, but I remember it's the last song (track 4) on side B of the cassette.

Hehe.

------------------
" In Defeat, Malice; In Victory, Revenge! "

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Axalon
Honorary Warlord

Posts: 2243
From: New England, USA
Registered: Dec 2001

posted 22 March 2002 00:15     Click Here to See the Profile for Axalon   Click Here to Email Axalon        Reply w/Quote   
My Swords are stained with the blood of Fallen Angels!!!

WAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

------------------
As above .. so below
gathered by the wind
then rooted in the ground
only to rise from below
then above .. we grow

IP Logged

Chineseman
Honorary Warlord

Posts: 357
From: The Philippines
Registered: Mar 2002

posted 22 March 2002 03:41     Click Here to See the Profile for Chineseman   Click Here to Email Chineseman        Reply w/Quote   
quote:
Originally posted by Axalon:
My Swords are stained with the blood of Fallen Angels!!!

WAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!


Oh, no! Please tell me you're not gonna get this topic closed too...

------------------
I just love cats...
Yeah, maybe Carina too...

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Jolly_Reaper
Honorary Warlord

Posts: 384
From: The Netherlands
Registered: Feb 2002

posted 22 March 2002 03:57     Click Here to See the Profile for Jolly_Reaper   Click Here to Email Jolly_Reaper        Reply w/Quote   

Well FeistyGirl, I'll bet your employees commit suicide all the time!
Are there any openings for the IT department? Where can I send my resume to?
I like challenges

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Sig? Hmm, can't think of one right now...

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MPHG
Forum Admin.

Posts: 1693
From: simwhere
Registered: Jun 2001

posted 22 March 2002 05:19     Click Here to See the Profile for MPHG   Click Here to Email MPHG        Reply w/Quote   Visit MPHG's Homepage!
the WW2 sword is stained abit, litte rusted as well , looks like it has seen alot of battles. I might scan the blade it self for you people

and maybe ask carina to translate what it says

------------------
Come stay a night at my Dragon's Inn

Remember to have your Deeds recorded on the Imperial Scrolls of Honor.

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Carina Flær
Honorary Warlord

Posts: 561
From: Akihabara, Japan
Registered: Feb 2002

posted 22 March 2002 05:44     Click Here to See the Profile for Carina Flær   Click Here to Email Carina Flær        Reply w/Quote   
Nah, a WW2 blade would most likely merely bear the place of manufacture, is all. They mass produced those, you know. They're not like the antique blades.

------------------
" In Defeat, Malice; In Victory, Revenge! "

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MPHG
Forum Admin.

Posts: 1693
From: simwhere
Registered: Jun 2001

posted 22 March 2002 06:07     Click Here to See the Profile for MPHG   Click Here to Email MPHG        Reply w/Quote   Visit MPHG's Homepage!

was quite hard to scan ,but anyway.
See I think it's WW2 the previous owner said it was from WW2 or earlier, so I hope later the sword looks finely crafted. Nice Dragon design imbued within the sword, both sides are id with minor differences looks hand done.
All I know it's a small tresure to my collection
------------------
Come stay a night at my Dragon's Inn

Remember to have your Deeds recorded on the Imperial Scrolls of Honor.

[This message has been edited by MPHG (edited 22 March 2002).]

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Carina Flær
Honorary Warlord

Posts: 561
From: Akihabara, Japan
Registered: Feb 2002

posted 22 March 2002 06:22     Click Here to See the Profile for Carina Flær   Click Here to Email Carina Flær        Reply w/Quote   
Hmmm? {looks puzzled)

This doesn't look like one of those cheap mass-produced blades. Are you sure it's a WW2 weapon? Unless it's one of those officers' blades... frankly, a historian would know better.

------------------
" In Defeat, Malice; In Victory, Revenge! "

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Axalon
Honorary Warlord

Posts: 2243
From: New England, USA
Registered: Dec 2001

posted 22 March 2002 06:46     Click Here to See the Profile for Axalon   Click Here to Email Axalon        Reply w/Quote   
quote:
Originally posted by MPHG:
was quite hard to scan ,but anyway.
See I think it's WW2 the previous owner said it was from WW2 or earlier, so I hope later the sword looks finely crafted. Nice Dragon design imbued within the sword, both sides are id with minor differences looks hand done.
All I know it's a small tresure to my collection

I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU!!!!

I am laughing too hard right now to comment on THAT SWORD at the moment!!!

Don't you think you could of scanned it in A LITTLE BIGGER!!!! I can hardly see it!!!

------------------
As above .. so below
gathered by the wind
then rooted in the ground
only to rise from below
then above .. we grow

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Carina Flær
Honorary Warlord

Posts: 561
From: Akihabara, Japan
Registered: Feb 2002

posted 22 March 2002 07:03     Click Here to See the Profile for Carina Flær   Click Here to Email Carina Flær        Reply w/Quote   
Not hardly? Axalon, either you are in serious need of glasses, or laser surgery

j/k Perhaps he thought if he reduced the size the pattern wouldn't stand out as clearly.

------------------
" In Defeat, Malice; In Victory, Revenge! "

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