Author
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Topic: Bread Is Evil
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Little_Marc Honorary Warlord
   
Posts: 317 From: The sticks of a Sub-Development Next to a Cornfield Registered: Oct 2001 |
posted 04 February 2002 14:09
Something I thought up. (I need a hobby!)1) More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread eaters 2) Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests 3) In the 18th Century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women dies in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever and influenza ravaged whole nations 4) More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread 5) Bread is made from a substance known as "Dough" It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average American eats more bread than that in one month! 6) Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low occurrence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's Disease and osteoporosis. 7) Bread has been proved to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after only two days. 8) (My personal favorite) Bread is often a 'gateway' food item, leading the user to 'harder' items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts. 9) Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is 90% water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, leaving you a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person. 10) Newborn babies can choke on bread quite easily. 11) Bread is baked at a temperature of 400 plus degrees Fahrenheit. That kind of heat can kill a human in less than one minute. 12) Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling. In light of these frightening statistics, I propose the following bread restrictions: 1) No Sale of bread to minors. 2) No advertising of bread within 1000 feet of a school 3) A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread. 4) No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage. 5) A $4.2 zillion fine on the three biggest bread manufacturers. ------------------ Always settle for next-to perfect. It's the best you can get.

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jbouley Forum Admin.
    
Posts: 4907 From: Portland, Maine, USA Registered: Jan 2001 |
posted 04 February 2002 22:19
Oh,no...what will this mean for my consumption of beer (aka "liquid bread").  ------------------ - JEFF "A hero is no braver than anyone else. He is only brave five minutes longer." For my latest mod (for LoD/expansion), download Version 1.1 of Sanctuary in Chaos - Or for old stuff (for classic D2), visit my orignal mod site at www.planetdiablo.com/sanctuary

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Little_Marc Honorary Warlord
   
Posts: 317 From: The sticks of a Sub-Development Next to a Cornfield Registered: Oct 2001 |
posted 05 February 2002 04:26
Wow.... new thought..... I don't have THAT much free time to think up that one, but I'll try.------------------ Always settle for next-to perfect. It's the best you can get.

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MPHG Forum Admin.
    
Posts: 1693 From: simwhere Registered: Jun 2001 |
posted 05 February 2002 07:31
I saw that on a webpage once about 1 years ago...Bread isn't all Evil you just need to give it the butter of justice

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General Nutt Lord
 
Posts: 123 From: Great White North Registered: Jan 2002 |
posted 05 February 2002 20:39
Jeff your Beer is safe, you have it in the wrong food group. One beer has enough protien for the entire day (not sure about american beer). therefore I'd say it's Steak in a bottle, and have for years.------------------ Speak Softly and carry a big sword (or two)

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Squirrel_Farmer Squire

Posts: 29 From: Registered: Feb 2002 |
posted 25 February 2002 13:36
Also 50% of bread eaters are above the median weight. (What the median is will be my next pahse of research)If you don't get it, i just say it's an itilectual joke. (lol, spelled that one wrong) ------------------ ..and the Lord created the squirrels, and with them their farmer, and it was good. (john 5:24)

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Little_Marc Honorary Warlord
   
Posts: 317 From: The sticks of a Sub-Development Next to a Cornfield Registered: Oct 2001 |
posted 25 February 2002 15:39
quote: Originally posted by Squirrel_Farmer: Also 50% of bread eaters are above the median weight. (What the median is will be my next pahse of research)If you don't get it, i just say it's an itilectual joke. (lol, spelled that one wrong)
ROTFL! Nice name too. and signature! ------------------ My wife says I don't pay enough attention to her. At least I think that's what she said.

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Sir_General Moderator
   
Posts: 697 From: Registered: Aug 2001 |
posted 26 February 2002 01:39
Thanks for this post, I was just about to make a sandwhich. I could have killed myself.  While we're here, is it true that squirrels store nuts in their mouth? If so, when you're farming, can you tell the difference between a squirrel with nuts and a squirrel without? ------------------ Sir_General That's Sir_General with an _. Leave it out and I'll beat you with a rubber chicken.

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Squirrel_Farmer Squire

Posts: 29 From: Registered: Feb 2002 |
posted 26 February 2002 09:01
That's a nice question. That is such a nicely nice question that i would babble too much and be smacked by Sir Generals (hah! no _!) rubber chicken in the process :PIn star trek, why do they call him scotty if noone in their universe knows what the hell scotland is?! ------------------ ..and the Lord created the squirrels, and with them their farmer, and it was good. (john 5:24)

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Baldrick Moderator
   
Posts: 1334 From: The ShadowHaven Registered: Oct 2001 |
posted 26 February 2002 12:38
You left out the '_'!!!!!!!!! Sir_General beat you for babling to much and leaving it out! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH I hate rubber chickens!!!  ------------------ Keeper of the ShadowHaven and QFG mod assistant developer. Visit the ShadowHaven(formely Zhoulom Crypt) forum for more imformation and feedback for ShadowHaven D2x mod and Mods by Rana Loreus for imformation and feedback on the QFG mod.

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Sir_General Moderator
   
Posts: 697 From: Registered: Aug 2001 |
posted 26 February 2002 18:32
That's it, it's go time... ------------------ Sir_General That's Sir_General with an _. Leave it out and I'll beat you with a rubber chicken.

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Squirrel_Farmer Squire

Posts: 29 From: Registered: Feb 2002 |
posted 27 February 2002 06:28
*smack* OW! No fair! that's a frozen rubber chicken  ------------------ ..and the Lord created the squirrels, and with them their farmer, and it was good. (john 5:24)

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Axalon Honorary Warlord
   
Posts: 2243 From: New England, USA Registered: Dec 2001 |
posted 27 February 2002 20:57
Ooops! Sorry, wrong topic .. I was looking for Girls = Evil .. How did I get into the Bread = Evil?? *Perhaps there is a connection between the two!!  If there is, PLEASE don't tell me I'm confused enough as it is.  ------------------ "Be quick or be dead .. or take up knitting."

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